8 months injured... and worth it.

The coolest part about having communion with God is the freedom to have real, (lay it all out there) raw, conversations with Him.  And cooler still, that He responds.  So today I am simply sharing a conversation I had with Him regarding the last 8 months of being injured and not being able to do what I loved. The first part is what I said, the second part is His response.

Eight months ago you took it from me!

And yes, I know that’s bad theology.

But that’s what it felt like:

That you intentionally caused this plight.

Maybe I just needed someone to blame

For this stupid crack that left me lame.

You’re a big enough God; you could take it…

My kids couldn’t, so all this time I’ve had to fake it

With them I had to try for normalcy

But with you: no, I wasn’t going to stop being angry!

Were you ever going to answer why?

Was your intentional silence then there to signify

That you didn’t care about what I had lost

When you’re the only one who understood the true cost?

What did you think when you saw me in pain?

You knew what would happen if I couldn’t train!

You knew I’d have anxiety attacks and depression.

You even knew I’d lose our times of connection!

So what was I supposed to think?

How could you care when you knew what was at stake?

And what was with that reprieve in May… a tease?

Three runs, then done, again, despite all of my pleas.

And it wasn’t just losing communion with you.

My best friend, my team: those are my kids, losing that too!

Worse than not running was no long-run conversations

You know that’s why I love my occupation!

This one linchpin removed and it all becomes worthless

You couldn’t have meant for me to lose my purpose!

I know that’s not who you really are

And I know you don’t just observe from afar.

I’m Sorry. Despite the way that I’ve raged and moped

I know what’s real; I know your truth, Coach.

I know you want to remove these limits.

I know it’s not your nature to inhibit

My gifts, gifts that you gave me

So why take so very long to save me

From this physical suffering, the emotional misery?

I’m your child, not some servant on the periphery!

You have to protect me; that’s your job!

So please, please, Daddy… make this stop.

Julie, I do everything with my love-infused intention.

And finally, my stubborn child, you’re ready to listen.

All this time you thought it was because you ran too

But they don’t follow the runner; they follow you.

A physical act is not your identity.

The physical realm doesn’t teach my sovereignty.

You know this: atoms follow spirit.

And I need not your body for me to fulfill it.

Were those secrets of the universe not my truth?

You’ve forgotten your name!  ‘Julie’ means ‘youth.’

You are not your body. Running taught you that.

And though you don’t need it, I’m still giving it back.

You thought you loved it before. But just wait and see

Now every step will remind you of Me:

Of what I sacrificed so you could live.

Now you understand just how much I would give

For My kids to race this life with me along side

And how important it is that I’m there every stride.

That anguish you felt being torn from your team:

Now you understand why I had to redeem

The whole world, for they are all my children.

And like you, I would not accept our division.

So I resurrect you, Julie. Your Christ-era has begun.

And this is the truth you will carry on all future runs.