The coolest part about having communion with God is the freedom to have real, (lay it all out there) raw, conversations with Him. And cooler still, that He responds. So today
I am simply sharing a conversation I had with Him regarding the last 8 months
of being injured and not being able to do what I loved. The first part is what
I said, the second part is His response.
Eight
months ago you took it from me!
And
yes, I know that’s bad theology.
But
that’s what it felt like:
That
you intentionally caused this plight.
Maybe
I just needed someone to blame
For
this stupid crack that left me lame.
You’re
a big enough God; you could take it…
My
kids couldn’t, so all this time I’ve had to fake it
With
them I had to try for normalcy
But
with you: no, I wasn’t going to stop being angry!
Were
you ever going to answer why?
Was
your intentional silence then there to signify
That
you didn’t care about what I had lost
When
you’re the only one who understood the true cost?
What
did you think when you saw me in pain?
You
knew what would happen if I couldn’t train!
You
knew I’d have anxiety attacks and depression.
You
even knew I’d lose our times of connection!
So
what was I supposed to think?
How
could you care when you knew what was at stake?
And
what was with that reprieve in May… a tease?
Three
runs, then done, again, despite all of my pleas.
And
it wasn’t just losing communion with you.
My
best friend, my team: those are my kids, losing that too!
Worse
than not running was no long-run conversations
You
know that’s why I love my occupation!
This
one linchpin removed and it all becomes worthless
You
couldn’t have meant for me to lose my purpose!
I
know that’s not who you really are
And
I know you don’t just observe from afar.
I’m
Sorry. Despite the way that I’ve raged and moped
I
know what’s real; I know your truth, Coach.
I
know you want to remove these limits.
I
know it’s not your nature to inhibit
My
gifts, gifts that you gave me
So
why take so very long to save me
From
this physical suffering, the emotional misery?
I’m
your child, not some servant on the periphery!
You
have to protect me; that’s your job!
So
please, please, Daddy… make this stop.
Julie, I do everything with my
love-infused intention.
And finally, my stubborn child, you’re
ready to listen.
All this time you thought it was
because you ran too
But they don’t follow the runner;
they follow you.
A physical act is not your
identity.
The physical realm doesn’t teach my
sovereignty.
You know this: atoms follow spirit.
And I need not your body for me to fulfill
it.
Were those secrets of the universe
not my truth?
You’ve forgotten your name! ‘Julie’ means ‘youth.’
You are not your body. Running
taught you that.
And though you don’t need it, I’m
still giving it back.
You thought you loved it before.
But just wait and see
Now every step will remind you of
Me:
Of what I sacrificed so you could
live.
Now you understand just how much I
would give
For My kids to race this life with
me along side
And how important it is that I’m
there every stride.
That anguish you felt being torn
from your team:
Now you understand why I had to
redeem
The whole world, for they are all my
children.
And like you, I would not accept
our division.
So I resurrect you, Julie. Your
Christ-era has begun.
And this is the truth you will
carry on all future runs.
