Life

The previous week has been one of the most emotional of my life.  That Wednesday night, Mark and I had to put down our beloved great dane, Maynard, who had been a part of our family since Mark and I married almost 10 years ago. My house felt and still feels empty without a giant horse of a dog lying on the couch. For a decade, every event that took place in our home had had the company of Maynard. Every major decision that was made, every laughter-filled movie night, every argument I ever had with my husband, every deep conversation, there was always a giant dog in one of our laps.  He had joined me at cross country practices and even at school.  He was at the last family celebration where my Papa was alive and is in the last picture with all his other grandchildren.  He was the loyal companion that accompanied us along the first decade of our adult life.  Someday we will be in our 80s and will have had other pets and been on other journeys.  But this first 10 years of adulthood will always be remembered as The Maynard Era.  So Thursday I cried and slept, and cried some more, and slept some more.

Then Friday we braved an ice storm to get to Memphis for my mom’s first half marathon.  We had been looking forward to this weekend since June.  I was welcoming the distraction, and was so excited to get to see Mom as well as other friends and some of my team get to run.  That night at dinner we got the word that they had decided to cancel.  Mom was devastated: all that work, all that sacrifice, and now no race, no reward.  For months I had been coaching her, giving her encouragement, telling her it was worth it; I had watched her win so many little victories: the first 6 miler, the first 8, the first 10! One Saturday she showed up at the track where I was coaching needing me to stretch her hips,(which ask any of my runners and they’ll tell you that’s a very painful, though sometimes necessary task.)  That day she had run her first 12!  She doubted herself for months, but I remember the day when she finally believed she would be able to run the whole thing. As her coach I had always known what to say, but there we were Friday night sitting at the Macaroni Grill, Mom’s bawling, and I have nothing I can tell her, no coach’s words can make this disappointment go away.  This 4 month journey we’d been on wasn’t going to have its epic conclusion.

So I’ve been thinking a lot this week about journeys and eras.  The Maynard decade. Mom’s marathon training.  It’s easy to reduce it down to the beginning or the end. But when the end is heartbreaking, you force yourself to think about the middle, why it was all still worth it.  After all, it’s not the race that earns you the 13.1 sticker; it’s the months of mile after every grueling mile of training.  And it’s not the ending of a pet’s life that leaves a mark; it’s the thousands of joy-filled moments that came before.  This Christmas season we celebrate the beginning of our Savior’s life.  Every week at the Communion table, we reflect on the end of His life.  I kept thinking of these verses this week: “I am the alpha and omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.” And “I came that you might have life, and have it more abundantly.”  He is the beginning and He is the end so we can have an incredible middle.  He is the beginning and the end, so that for us it can be about the journey.  The Maynard era was abundant. Mom’s training was abundant. The abundant life is not a series of beginnings and endings; the abundant life is just that: LIFE: the middle, the journey, the era.

In new territory

Yesterday I finished writing the state letters. Every year at state I give each runner a letter. I usually tell them what I’ve been most impressed with or how they’ve grown. Sometimes I share a favorite memory I had of them from the season.  I love the opportunity I have to call out the greatness in them, to draw their attention to how God has gifted them or to let them know I’ve noticed their character.  I love getting to encourage them.  I actually read each kid’s letter at our team meeting the night before the state race.  This is often a time where I shed a tear or two, especially about my seniors who I will be losing.  The veteran runners like to mess with me; as the team meeting approaches they’ll say ‘you gonna cry, Coach? Yeah you’re gonna cry.’ Sometimes I do, but usually I’m a master at keeping the tears at bay. I have no seniors this year so I’m expecting a dry run. But I guess we’ll see. I’ll let you know in my post season blog.

Every cross country season feels like the best season.  Every team feels like my favorite team. Every year it seems like that year, everyone got closer; that year the team was really special.  So I was wondering if this was just the way it felt because I was simply comparing something in the present which was new and raw to something in the past which would make it irrelevant.  That is what I suspected anyway.  After I was done writing my letters I got to thinking about that theory that every year felt special only because it was the present.  So I went back and read all the letters from previous teams, fully expecting my theory to be proven right. 

Yeah. That’s a negative, people. I was shocked to find out my little theory had no evidence to support it.  First thing I noticed was how much longer this year’s batch of letters were.  This year I had so much more to say about each kid. Next thing I noticed was how much more I actually saw in this group.  These kids have the most amazing personalities; they have truly unique giftedness in their character.  And then the details.  I had so many more poignant memories, so many more impressive moments this season.  All the previous years’ letters read about the same, some more than others.  My team 2 years ago was a really special group.  But even those letters didn’t compare to what I will say this year. 

So I find myself in new territory. Maybe all those previous years God was growing me and developing me to be ready, to be worthy to get this special group of kids.  I don’t really know how I’m going to handle this season ending.  But I am already thanking God that I won’t have to lose anybody and I get to have this particular group for 2 years.  He always gives the most amazing gifts. He gave me these 12 runners. And He gave them to me for 2 years.  I seriously have to be the most blessed coach on the planet. 

2013 Region poem

Yesterday the team won their 3rd region championship.  And it wasn't an easy win either. But going in they knew what they had to do and got it done.  Those of you who have been reading the blog for a while know that I always write a poem as the meet motivation for the Region Championships.  If you go back enough posts you can read all the previous ones. This year's poem, like all the rest, reflects the cadence, tone, feel, and heart of the team and the season. And if you've been following us this season, you know it's all about the relentlessness. 

RELENTLESS

It’s this team’s tradition that the meet of Region

Has always called for a poetic motivation

Where Coach gets the opportunity to reminisce

And there’s so much to say about this team

This season, whose glorious theme

Was divinely ordained, and proven: Relentless!

You took on more than anyone before

The mileage, the workouts, every chore

I gave you, my warriors, you didn’t fight against this

Each harder requirement, and every extra grueling set

I found, to my delight, could this year, actually be met

Producing times that could only be described as momentous

Though young, you must’ve considered yourselves men

Given, you thought you could handle level tens

Shockingly, you did, and it was my honor to bear witness

What I’ve made you do, could easily be called sadistic

Yet you disdainfully greeted each torture with a resounding ‘That’s it?’

When truthfully, my training’s been hell and I need your forgiveness

But I would never ask for it; as that would disgrace

This epic reputation you’ve chosen to embrace

Of being strong enough to take on the painfully horrendous

You have made it through hell; it’s a tale worth the tell

That somehow ya’ll have endured and survived it well

A feat that classifies as indisputably stupendous

You’ve been forced to make all but Cross Country a trifle

And it made me proud to call you 12, my disciples

Whose commitment to the theme of the team produced our successes

So like every team, every year, you’ve been forged into a family

But this year it’s become more: a far superior entity

Because you, this family, has proven to be: surely and truly Relentless!

Relentless Love

I have less than 3 weeks to finish this Cross Country season that was ordained with the theme of ‘Relentless.’ So I’m sitting here listening to one of my favorite worship songs (‘You Won’t Relent’ by Misty Edwards) and reflecting on God’s relentless pursuit of his children.  The song starts out with the lyrics ‘You won’t relent until you have it all; my heart is yours.’  I had a sneaky suspicion God was going to teach me a lot about his relentlessness this season.  And He has, as He always loves to teach me through my greatest passions. 

In the beginning I told the runners about the theme and they have been all about it (you can read about that here).  In fact, they made it easy for me to be a relentless coach for a while. Because no matter what I threw at them, it was disdainfully met with the phrase: ‘That’s it?!’  So I just kept getting harder, just kept piling on more miles…. And they kept taking it.  You would think this would be a coach’s dream! And it was for a long time. But then it got exhausting and it got hard. For the first time in my life I didn’t look forward to writing a practice. I was researching countless exercises, training plans, and struggling with my own intuition, all in a pursuit to give each new relentless workout.  I’ve had to balance brutality with fears of injury; I’ve had to be mean when I didn’t want to be; and I’ve had to deal with something that feels like guilt over the sacrifices I’ve made them give and the pain I’ve had to watch them endure.  And yet all the while, I never considered relenting.  Which drove me to God’s lesson, this question: Why?  Why not be content; why keep pushing, why cause pain, why all the extra planning and longer practices, why risk making the runners hate the sport. And I only have one answer to the why. Love.

Throughout this season many things have battled for my runners attentions.  I have had to fight for a place of high priority.  I’ve taken on such idols as girlfriends, travel soccer, and sleep, always requiring the runners to prioritize their training. And in some of those battles neither I nor the runner escaped without some wounds. So why did I keep battling? Why keep fighting (it’s just a sport afterall), the only answer that makes sense is Love, jealous love.  I have gained a small bit of understanding of what God feels like when we choose things other than Him to occupy our time and energy.

Love is why I’m unrelenting. I love my 12 runners, my disciples. I want only the best for them. I want to see them become what they are capable of. I want them to discover the greatness that lies in each of them, greatness I see that they don’t yet.  And I am willing to put them through the fire to see that come about.  And so I have also gained a microbit of understanding into God’s immense love for me.  How he relentlessly pursues me, relentlessly trains me; and that he hurts when I hurt but sends me into battle anyway to produce the growth He wants to see, growth that turns me into who He created me to be.

The next part of the ‘You Won’t Relent’ song is from Song of Solomon:

“For there is Love that is as strong as death, jealousy demanding as the grave; many waters cannot quench this Love.”

His love is a Relentless Pursuit. And He demands it all.

Coaching Joy

This time of year I am consistently overwhelmed with fulfillment and joy. Largely this is due to coaching.  My passion is coaching runners but I also love coaching gymnasts. Saturday was National Gymnastics Day and during all the events at Glory, I had to step in and coach.  Recently I've had to pull back from my coaching duties at the gym because I was just doing too much and getting overwhelmed... To the point that it was affecting my mental health.  So my husband fired me.  Sounds harsh, but it was a beautiful gift. He knew my sense of responsibility and loyalty would never allow me to step away, so he made the decision for me. (These situations are great examples of why God made the man the head of the house) Anyway, I've been away from coaching gymnasts and it was fun to get to step in and coach some super cool young girls on Saturday. Yet I'm thankful for the extra time and energy I get to put into my XC team this season. Last year, in trying to coach so many teams and teach, no one got my best.  This year I feel like I can give my runners the coach they deserve. 

Currently we are ranked 5th in our division in the state.  And not because of talent... These guys work their butts off.  They get up and run before school, then endure killer practices after school. Today was their first day off since Labor Day.  Last night they ran 15 miles. These are some of my favorite parts of the season so far:

"THAT'S IT?"  This has become the catch phrase of the season. (Better than 2 years ago when it was 'that's what she said') Every time I give a task at practice, I will inevitably hear from someone on the team: 'that's it?' You have 15 miles this Saturday: 'that's it?' You have 12 400s in under 1:00: 'that's it?' You have 5 800s in under 2:45 with 10 hill sprints in between each: 'that's it?' And the funny thing is, in their heads I know they're thinking 'holy crap how am I going to do this?'  But they are refusing to admit weakness. They are positioning themselves to take on more. This is beautiful to a coach. I get the pleasure of helping them discover that their limits are far beyond what they originally thought.

Relying on God.  Last year after asking how they felt after an extremely hard workout, one of my runners (currently my number 1 this year) said "I don't see how I'm not sore, I guess God's been really nice to me and does practically everything in practice for me" (a freshman said that).  This week, one of my sophomores said something similar. After Wednesdays level 9 workout(I rank my workouts so the kids know what they're accomplishing) this runner said 'coach, gotta be honest, I didn't think I could do today, so I prayed and I told God he was gonna have to do it.' This, after the kid actually did complete the workout in all my required times. My captain wrote the meet motivation for our first meet and quoted 1 Corinthians 9:24.  And right now I have runners requesting to get to be the one that leads the team prayer before a meet.  There may be separation of church and state in public schools but you just can't be a runner and not acknowledge God. And coaching runners in a public school, I get to see God honored at a public school everyday!

Leading a leader. I have to say that my captain this year is the best one I've ever had. His freshmen year I had a prophetic dream about him. (During XC season I usually have lots of XC themed dreams, and almost always they are significant, esp. when it comes to picking my leaders.) So this poor kid has been being groomed for leadership since he was 14. Having no seniors this year, I had to ask him, now a junior, to captain this epic team. I have asked him to do things I would normally never ask a 16 year old to do. I have put more weight on him, had higher expectations for him, and required him to step up (perhaps before his time.) And I can honestly say that for the most part he has risen to the mark.  He's an excellent pacer, leads the team during speed workouts, maintains good grades in very hard junior classes, and has a great reputation for conduct. But the surprising blessing is I'm finally getting to see the real him....which has turned out to be an incredibly witty, hilarious, and honest young man.  He is taking great pleasure in 'messing with' his coach.... But I'm game. I asked him this week why suddenly he thought he could talk like he did and mess with me like he did, and he said "because I'm more comfortable, this is how I am with my family."  What an honor. Yeah sure sometimes he crosses the line and says something he shouldn't... But when it's among family, it's ok.

That ADD kid.  It's been my experience that many times that smart ADD kid that gets in trouble at school and home, makes a great runner.  So I recruit these kids. And I've got a new one this year.  And he's so fun to coach.  He's not in my top 8 yet.  But he sure wants to get there.  What's fun about these kids is how much you see running affect their everyday life. I've gotten reports from his parents, his youth ministers, and his teachers, a noticeable difference in his behavior, attitude, and maturity. And they all keep saying it's XC. Now I'm no miracle worker; all I do is coach running. And it's no easy task: (I had to put this kid on a 7 min wall sit this last Friday for failing a test.) but somehow, this sport, with its brain chemistry altering and its requirement for discipline and commitment, these kids grow exponentially. I get to see negative energy turn into positive energy. I get to see these kids gain confidence and self respect. 

This isn't even the half of it, but this is some of why I come home every night fulfilled and overflowing with joy.  I know God designed me to be a coach. And my job doesn't feel like a job. It's just fun. Life is fun.