Going Deep

This year’s church retreat theme of going deep has a lot of significance for me. 'Deepness' has always been a highly ranked virtue of sorts in my personal schema. 'How deep are they?' was always the major determining factor in my choosing of friends.  My falling in love with Mark occurred during a very spiritually deep and intellectually deep conversation between him, my sister, and me that lasted until 4 am. As a teenage girl, I had never known boys could be so deep. He won my heart right there. I try to live a deep existence. When I teach, I don't want to just be giving students facts to learn; I try to help them understand the things behind the facts, the connections, the patterns, the themes.  When I coach, I don't just go make kids run or practice flips. I try to get them to learn something deep about themselves through their sport.  And as I’ve grown up in Christ I’ve found it was the going deep that drove the growth that led me deeper into God: deeper in the knowledge of God, and deeper into the experience of God.

Back in middle school my 'deep living' manifested as my perception of being 'more mature' than my peers. While they were having conversations about boys and tv shows, or entertaining themselves with the latest cheap jokes, I often found myself on the periphery just observing, not talking.  I remember thinking how silly and shallow it all was, and wishing they would talk about something more stimulating.

In high school I found my deep Christian side. 9th grade was for me the beginning of listening to God, and feeling a distinct calling on my life. Summer after 9th grade was when I (in the baptist tradition of walking the aisle to make a public decision) formally accepted a call to ministry.   High school is when I became fascinated with connections in scripture, and finding those little nuggets of truth. I loved figuring out how a particular Old Testament prophesy connected to a New Testament event. It was like I was discovering how Intricate and brilliant God was.  How he orchestrated this whole existence.  I remember making the connection between Jacob’s ladder and Jesus: reading the passage in genesis 28 where Jacob dreams of angels ascending and descending on a ladder that reached from earth to heaven, and then reading in John 1, Jesus declaring heaven open and the angels ascending and descending on him. I remember that 'aha' moment where I realized Jacob’s dream was about Jesus, who acts as the ladder to heaven, our connection, our way there. And then sitting in my freshmen Biology class learning about the DNA ladder, the ladder that creates all life. Jesus is the ladder to heaven. And its a ladder that chemically creates life, Jesus is also the creator of life.  And he's such a genius about it that he embedded that clue and that connection into the fiber of our being. This one little deep discovery sparked my obsession with DNA which led to a Biology major and a teaching position, and ultimately the fulfillment of that calling to ministry I accepted. When you go deep with God, he goes deep with you. He ignites your passions, stirs you up, fascinates you, and ultimately leads you into your destiny.

In college, deepness for me became an intellectual pursuit. At a school like Union, theology is being taught in every class no matter what the field happens to be.  And when a large percentage of the student body is Christian studies majors, theological questions often become the topics discussed over coffee or lunch.  At this time in my life I reduced my Christian walk to a purely mental exercise, unfortunately I lost a lot of my passion and zeal.  But God still honored where I was going deep.  Though I felt dry and complacent, He used this time in my life to  accomplish a very important task, what mark and I used to call "our great unlearning".  Through all those 100s of deep theological discussions and classes, I was figuring out what was real truth vs what was man-made doctrine, what were God principles vs what were dogma, and perhaps most importantly what was it that I believed because of real encounters, experiences, and convictions vs what I 'believed' because its what my parents or church body believed. And I gotta tell you, I threw out a lot more than I kept.  Once again, God had gone deep with me, and as a result, I knew myself on a deeper level. I became more genuine. I didn't just have talking points about Christianity, I had a real and true Christian belief system based on only a real relationship with a real Christ.  God used me going deep in my head to help me discover the depths of my heart.

In my early 20s, I pursued deep spirituality. I wanted to experience the full gamut of spiritual experience. I like to call these my crazy town years.  When Mark and I would discuss things during this time of our lives, we often prefaced it with 'ready to go to crazy town?' Other religions, the mystic traditions, other spiritual practices, I wanted to see what all that was about. And I wasn't just reading books about it, I was trying it out.  What I discovered though was all the truths that made any other spiritual pursuit worthwhile already existed in Christianity, many times I discovered something I thought was new and unique, only to find out later that it was, in fact all ready a part of my tradition. Jesus kept popping up in the most unexpected places. It was like I was trying to throw out the baby with the bath water, but no matter how hard I tried, the baby wasn't leaving the tub.  This crazy town era of my life freaked a lot people out. I know my mom had her prayer group praying for me.  I think they thought i had become a cooky new-ager.  But in reality, this time in my life was growing my faith exponentially. I no longer had a small God.  I had been everywhere and he was everywhere.  There are no depths, no limit of deepness you can go, that you won’t find Jesus waiting there yet again. So many people are scared to investigate things, fearing they will lose their religion.

But I would say to that, if it can be lost so easily, if God isn't really everywhere, why would you want that kind of religion in the first place.  Whatever depths you can go, our God is already deeper.

Recently going deep has taken on a whole new meaning in my life. And ill just be honest, it's a deep end that's freaky, one of those murky waters, not sure where the drain is, or what lies beneath, deep ends.  In all the crazy situations that come up with my new life as teacher, coach, minister, and now business owner, I keep finding myself in scenarios where it's like God is saying, 'lets just see what you're made of?' I continue to find myself in sticky situations, with very hard decisions to make.  And almost always these decisions have to be made very quickly.  And the choices have bigger implications, bigger consequences, they affect way more people.  Getting challenged on such deep levels, it's like being in a pressure cooker, it’s that deep deep water where your inner ears start hurting.  It's in this deep state, that weaknesses are illumined, not the general run of the mill weaknesses, the really deep, personal junk.  It's here that God is burning away the parts of me that don't reflect Him.  I don't particularly like my deep shortcomings being blaringly obvious to me, but if they're going to be dealt with, they have to first be found and acknowledged.  The cool thing about being in this deep dealing with my deeper self is: in the midst of all of it, Gods love doesn't wane, in fact, your experience of it deepens all the more.  I feel like I’ve made more bad decisions in the last few months than I have in years. But in reality it's simply that I am makings way more decisions, and so the frequency of the bad ones obviously goes up too.  But the amazing thing is, God's promise that he works everything together for the good of those who love him continues to be true all the more.  And the deeper I understand my own junk, the deeper my understanding of Gods grace becomes.

The analogy we used this weekend of the shallow end and the deep end of a pool is fitting in so many ways. The Christian life is not an above ground pool, 4ft deep everywhere. I had an above ground pool growing up, believe me they are not that fun, it gets boring really fast.  No, the Christian life is a big olympic pool with a variety of depths to choose from.  There are diving boards and slides, all manner of ways to jump in.  If the water represents God, then my question for you is how much God are you experiencing? Where are you in the pool? Because when you're standing in the shallow end, only the lower half of your body is submerged. You may be walking in God, following his lead, obeying his ways. But your heart and your head aren't wet. They aren't experiencing God.  If you've dove off that high dive into the deep end, every part of you gets submerged, you feel God all around you.  You feel Him making you lighter. You see him everywhere you look. You experience him on multiple levels in complicated ways.  If you go really deep, you feel his pressure that's forging you into the person He's called you to be.  And even though that pressure part is hard, it's worth it. The deep end is way more fun. It makes life exciting and adventurous. Jesus said he came that we may have life and have it more abundantly. The Deep life is the Abundant life.

The 2012 Region Poem

Every year I write a poem for my cross country team for the Region Championship meet. I've always loved writing poetry and when I was younger I did all the time.  I have journals full of it from my teen years.  But the older I get and the busier life gets, the less time I have to write.  And so in recent years poems have been few and far between.  Yet every year, around this time, I get inspired.  The poem always tells the story of that season. Every new season has unique themes that emerge and unique events that occur.  Like 2 years ago it was these insane workouts we started doing and realizing how that made us good enough to go to state.  Or last year it was this epic season where we won everything and this group of kids that were just crazy, said crazy things, did crazy things.  You can read those poems here   

I always go back and reread the previous poems about previous seasons before I write the new one.  And I am always struck by how different they are, not just in subject matter, but mostly in the feel of it.  The rhythm of the poem always mimics the feel of that season, of that particular group of kids.  When  I go back and read them I don't just remember the events and the kids, I remember how I felt that year, I get to feel it again.  This is why I love poetry so much.  Some of my runners keep the poems from each year.  I hope it does the same for them, that they will be able to remember how that season of their life felt. That is a gift I want to give them.

We are currently ranked number 1 in the Region.  And we fully expect to win that meet and return to state this year. Here is the 2012 poem:

A Running Dynasty

Just three months ago, Coach was in a state of great distress

For the prospects of this cross country season had her so depressed

See, twenty-eleven was a year most epic, with every meet counting a win

And here twenty-twelve was upon us, and she had this team, made up mostly of freshmen

Now the goal hadn’t changed: we were going to reach the State meet this season…

But Coach had resolved, with a team this young, no way we could be first in the Region

And to make matters worse, injury had struck her oldest, her fastest, her Captain

But little did she know, she had no cause for concern, something miraculous was about to happen

Those new runners showed up ready to work, not lacking in any motivation

No, they weren’t about to let age be an excuse to not uphold this team’s mighty reputation

When they saw marathoning teammates with weekend long runs to do

They said: hey, no problem, we’ll just run 15 miles too

And they had heard about our workouts that forge men out of boys

And they took them on gladly, embraced them with joy

They had focus and drive, they were men on a mission

And it didn’t take long for Coach to find renewed hope and vision

For Running, for challenges, for pain, this rare group had so much affection

And they wanted to add their own hardware to the already impressive collection

So the young team kept on working, trained beyond their years

Trained in sweat, trained in blood, trained in vomit, trained in tears

They subjected themselves to all manner of tortures:

Like Captain’s crazy ab workouts, and getting chased down with rulers

They kept getting stronger and faster, setting high goals, goals they would meet

And soon everyone realized, yet again, Crockett was the team they just couldn’t beat

But what the team doesn’t realize, what’s truly the best part

Is how all these young runners won over their Coach’s heart

How hard for her this year was going to be, they couldn’t have known

Last year she lost 3 beloved seniors, and this year she was losing the one she loved as her own

Those irreplaceable runners, she thought no group was ever going to compare

But oh how wrong she was, now she is fully aware 

That God blessed her again with a talented batch to train like mad and love like crazy

A group that, no doubt, will create the Crockett County Running Dynasty

A 'Team' or a 'Cult'?

I usually post my meet motivations on here.  This is the one for our meet today.  It's funny where I get my ideas from, this one actually came from a tweet.  I pretty much have a Twitter account for the sole purpose of following runners and running coaches.  I often find good quotes or funny observations about running there.  When I saw this one I had to retweet it. (even though there's a cuss word in the name of the account) because it just rang so true to me.

“The Cross Country Team is pretty much a Cult at our school.”

-tweet from @****RunnersSay

Are we a cross country team?? Or are we a cross country cult??

Cult-    1. a small group of people who have great devotion to a person, idea, or object

2. a system of religious beliefs and rituals that are unorthodox or unusual

Team-  1. a number of persons associated with each other in a common work or activity

Let’s consider the following:

1. We are a small group. Cross Country is not for most people.  I never even have to have try-outs. 

2.  We have great devotion, devotion to this ‘being a runner’ thing.  Running isn’t just a sport to us, it’s something bigger; it’s not about the physical action of it, the taking of steps; it’s this unspoken thing, it is an IDEA.  We’re not just dedicated to doing the thing, we HONOR the idea of what the thing represents. 

3.  We have a set of beliefs that are unorthodox.  Most people do not believe that running is beneficial, in fact, many argue that it is dangerous, too hard on the body.  Yet we believe it to help us.  Most people do not believe running to be fun; they see it as a chore, a task, a punishment even. Yet we believe it to be one of the coolest things we do in our lives.

4. We have a lot of unusual rituals and habits.  At cross country, the less clothing the better, even the shoes come off some, and sometimes the men even shave their legs.  We put ourselves in all kinds of awkward and sometimes compromising positions for the sake of burning a muscle out.  We get up in the middle of the night for long runs. We have our own language that nonrunners don’t understand, words like fartlek, PR, and DOMS.  We deny ourselves sodas and delicious foods.  We love to cause ourselves and each other pain; A game of HitTag (being chased down and hit with a ruler) is a great way to spend an afternoon. Yeah, we definitely have some unusual rituals!

I think Cult is a far better word for what we are.  And cults have a reputation for extremes, usually unto death.  Research ‘cults’ and you’ll find story after story where people were brainwashed, where people committed mass suicide for their odd beliefs, stories about groups of people society deemed insane.  Well… we choose suicide paces, and everyday is a good day to die. We believe so strongly in this idea of running that we let part of our brains go insane.  We have to be ok with the fact that most people are not going to get us; they are going to call us crazy; they are not going to understand why we do what we do. But, I’d rather be with this CROSS COUNRY CULT, my fellow insane runners, than with anyone else, any day. 

Today marks the halfway point of the season.  You new guys can officially start calling yourselves runners, you can officially call yourselves members of Cross Country. 

Welcome to Crazy

You’re in the Cult

Now go run like you belong!

Lessons from Emil Zatopek quotes

(Team update: even though we are so young, we still placed 3rd out of 10 teams. These guys are giving me a lot. I'm going to keep requesting more though.  The following is their motivational reading for meet number 2 next week.)

The Start

In the 1952 Olympics, Emil Zatopek won the 5K… then he won the 10K….

He then went on to also win the Marathon, (his first time to ever run a marathon).  All 3 races occurred within 8 days of each other and he set new Olympic records in all 3 events. It was at the starting line of this Olympic Marathon that Emil famously said:

“Men, today we die a little.”

Emil knew what he was about to do to his body, and he embraced it.  What are you thinking when you stand at the starting line?  Are you dreading what you’re about to have to do? Are you anxious? Nervous?.... Or… Have you accepted the sacrifices you have to make for a good race?  Do you approach the line with determination and resolve like a warrior entering battle?

The Race

“It's at the borders of pain and suffering

 that the men are separated from the boys.”

The race is run on a border, a precipice. Over that cliff is pure pain and suffering. The Boys run safely away from the edge, never risking their comfort, never approaching the danger zone.  The Men run right along the line, they risk everything, they flirt with death.  They laugh at the pain and suffering.  How do you want to run your race? As a boy? Or as a MAN?
The Finish

            In describing his Olympic experience, Emil said:

"I was unable to walk for a whole week after that,

so much did the race take out of me.

But it was the most pleasant exhaustion I have ever known."

          Only a runner would describe the experience of not being able to walk for a week as ‘pleasant.’  How are you going to feel when you finish today? Will you regret not going hard enough?  Will you question what could have been? …Or… Will you know it was everything you had in you?  Will you lay down tonight in post-race soreness bliss?  Will you experience the pleasure and pride that come from a race well ran?

Prepare as Warriors

Race like Men

Finish in Ecstatic Exhaustion

A Preview of the Season(and meet 1 motivation)

So where does Crockett XC stand? Well It's a scary place.  But I believe I'm up for the challenge.  As of right now I have a strong number 1 (he's being recruited by colleges). My number 2 is injured and out for the season.  My number 3 (now my number 2) is a strong sophomore.  And then.... I have a bunch of inexpereinced freshmen.  And they are going to have to step up.  They are cool kids, but they have no idea what is going to be asked of them.  I won't let them being young be an excuse to not meet our goal.  And our goal hasn't changed: it's to return yet again to the State Championship.  Someone once said 'Cross Country is like poker; you got to have 5 good cards to win.'  I wonder who my last 3 cards will be.

So that being said, here is their meet motivation for the first meet which is next Tuesday.  It begins with our quote of the year; the quote the team voted on (which just happens to be a quote from my husband.... and yes that will be weird for me wearing a t-shirt all year with my husband's name on it)

“The Path of Glory is Paved with the Pain of Discipline”

There’s a reason I never have to hold tryouts, there’s a reason we are few in number, and there’s a reason we are respected by other athletes and coaches who know what we do. 

You are still here, therefore:

you have perseverance.

you have mental strength.

you have high pain thresholds. 

you have said yes to discomfort.

you have said yes to running mile after mile after monotonous mile.

And you have something inside of you that most people do not.

If you are here, then you have submitted to the pain of discipline

If you are here, then you are already on the path of glory.

For most of you, today is your first high school XC 5K race. So here’s what you need to know about meet day. They are a blast: getting out of school early, the van rides, the banter, intimidating the other teams, the stupid juvenile games at the start line, getting medals, going out to eat after… everything is fun… except the race. And we have fun on meet day because we know that for the race, for that 20 minutes, it’s going to be hell.  It’s nothing but pure agony, torment, misery, and anguish from start to finish. It’s feeling like you’re going to die, it’s wanting to die because that would be an escape from the pain of the race.  It’s your mind screaming at you to slow down and your spirit telling it to shut the **** up. It’s running harder than you ever have and knowing next week you’ll have to run even harder. 

The XC season is a war and every race is a battle, a battle against other runners yes, but mostly it’s a battle between your mind and your body, your will and your instinct.  This is why I call you my warriors.  So, Newbies, have fun… but don’t be fooled; when the gun goes off, you run headfirst into the pain. Embrace hell for 20 minutes, and come out glorious on the other side.

Captainship

Today we begin a new school year, and with that, a new Cross Country season.  One of the things I am most excited about this season is my 2 captains.  I have been blessed with 2 incredible leaders. And so it is fitting that the first of my many posts about XC through the fall be about captainship:

A good team captain is:

One who is a dominant leader: he leads by his actions more than his words: he is the hardest worker on the team, he endures the most critiques, he respects the coaches the most, he helps out without being asked to, he keeps his teammates on task, and he genuinely loves his teammates.

A Captain always looks out for his fellow team members (on and off the field) and always has their back. (if he disagrees with the team member, he expresses it privately; in public he has their back)

Good team captains are the ones that pick their team up when they're down (sometimes through humor, sometimes by kicking their butts... Whichever is deemed appropriate by the captain) they encourage them to keep striving for their goals, rather than giving up.

Captains are always analyzing what goes on at practice and meets.  They have realistic views of what's being done well as well as what needs improvement. They discuss these views with their coach (in a respectful way) and are willing to work to do more than their part in making the improvements they see that are needed.

While most of the team are at home sleeping, captains are the ones working hard daily to improve their performance for the better of the team and themselves.

Good team captains are the ones that always try to keep a fun and positive environment between the runners; they give admiration and respect to teammates, and they always have an open mind to the opinions and suggestions from them.

Captains must be DEDICATED to their team as well as DEDICATED to their coach (setting an example for younger runners at all times). They're the ones always talking plans and working with the coaches to formulate ways of improving the team for their ultimate goal. They put in the most time and the most energy.

A good team captain must be able to connect with his teammates on various levels. He helps with the sport, with school, with family and social problems, with personal issues... Everything.

Captains are the ones who take full responsibility for the way their team performed when they had a bad meet.  Yet they more than share the glory when their team had a good meet.

A captain is one that is willing to assist their teammates in any way possible. Whether  it’s staying a few hours after practice working on a weakness, helping with homework, or even just communicating with them, giving guidance for any problems they may be having.

Good team captains must also be able to balance their schoolwork with their meets, practices, and teammates; and still be able to make time for other friends and family: always showing younger runners that life is about balance.

The Gift of Awareness: an unexpected blessing

Ive been thinking alot lately about what focuses my attention to God.  Every week at my church we have communion; we sit with our cracker and little cup of juice and you have no option but to remember what Jesus did for you. The reminder is right there in your hand. You taste it.  I think maybe that's one reason why Jesus connected the eating and drinking with remembering. Even what your physical body is doing is a remembrance so there's no distractions. It focuses your attention to Him. And I'm so thankful that we do this every week. But out there in the world, in life, what focuses your attention to Him? Some of the things that have focused my attention in these last 5 months are: my need for, and His supernatural gifting of: time, energy, and confidence. Time. Such a stupid constraint and it has no power in God's kingdom.  If I listed every task I did for teaching, coaching, running a gym, and mentoring this last month, plus how many miles I ran, you would wonder if I ever slept. But God has used this idea of time(and my need for more of it) to focus my attention on him. Everyday when I wondered how it was all ever going to get done, I had no other option but to attune myself to God and know that he hasn't given me more than I can handle, and I really think He supernaturally stretched time, because there is no other explanation.  Energy. Perhaps even harder than finding time to do things is finding the energy. This became a prayer for me almost every day as I traveled from school to the gym.  After a long day on my feet teaching, how was I going to have the energy to go coach gymnastics, And how was I going to be able to run?  I had to ask God for a supernatural download of energy almost everyday, and He always came through. Confidence. Nothing like being out of your element, doing new things, to make you realize it's not your own strength and abilities but God working through you that accomplishes His purposes. In running this gym, I have had to do things that made me uncomfortable, things that I didn't go to school for, things that aren't just my normal talents and strengths. And it was God who gave me the confidence to take on every challenge. So even though these last 5 months have been the craziest, busiest time of my life, it's also been the most blessed!  We've been blessed physically, emotionally, but the best blessings I've received are a higher frequency of times I had to focus on God, and a greater awareness. Awareness of just how much I have to rely on God, of just how much He helps me, of just how much He equips me, of just how much He sustains me.

Loving Life

One of the coolest things about walking in the purposes and plans God has for you is how much you actually love your life. It’s perfectly designed for you. Your unique niche in God’s kingdom not only serves a divine purpose, but it also makes you unbelievably happy…because it fits you at the core of who you are, what makes you tick, what fulfills you, what makes life fun for you. This became very obvious to me this week.

Last Friday at 2 a.m., I finally got the call I’d been waiting for for 3 weeks: Jennifer was finally in labor. So Mom and I made the 7 hour drive to North Carolina to assist in her homebirth. The 4 days I spent at my sister’s house were in such contrast to my life here that I couldn’t help but realize how different our Kingdom niches were. Jennifer exemplifies all things “mother” and “domestic.” Her life pretty much revolves around raising Keziah (and now this new one, Reuel). Her days are all cooking, cleaning, crafts, shopping, cloth diaper washing, and educating (K already knows her colors and so much more). Her house is a quiet, calm place. Her food is simple (organic and natural). Nature, which surrounds her house and shows up in her children’s names is obviously important to her. She has a lower carbon footprint than me, her Biology-teaching sister. Jennifer leads a very inward-focused life. She values peace and family, calmness and sereneness. She loves her life! And I am happy that she is so happy with it. But this is sooo not me.

The first days I was at my sister’s I had a blast. I loved helping her with her delivery. The science of it still fascinates me. I loved playing with Keziah, especially now that she talks more. By day 2 though, I was going nuts. Before I left for NC, I had thought about how much I needed a break. I’ve been working 13-14 hour days. With the gym and everything else, life has been crazy. As we came back through Nashville on the way home, I realized how much I was looking forward to getting back to that crazy life: life full of students and athletes, colleagues, family, and friends. Life full of people that crack me up, even life full of people’s baggage and teenager’s drama. My house life with my giant smelly dog, loud video games and phones that never stop ringing and beeping with texts. A life that demands constant flexibility and creativity in teaching and coaching. My life is like my running: always moving, the scenery is always changing, my heart is often racing.

So neither my nor Jen’s life is ‘better’. But I can honestly say I would be miserable living her life, but that’s because God didn’t create me for it. She would go crazy living my life. I know people who are miserable because they are living someone else’s life. If everyone would just embrace what God designed them for, people would be so blessed. So today I thank God for writing a life for me that is the perfect life for me. And I thank Him for doing the same for my sister.

Gym Ownership Reflection

My sister recently blogged about her awesome husband and referred to the parable of the talents found in Mathew Ch 25. That same passage has been a theme for Mark and I this last 5 weeks as we have entered this journey of owning and running a Gymnastics gym. Jennifer joked that her husband wasn’t in that parable. He’s the type that received 5 talents but isn’t content to bring in 5 more; no he has to bring in 20 more. We don’t feel like we’re in the parable either…though the principles of the parable hold true.

So in reflection of these first 5 weeks, so many things come to mind. With the way my brain works (seeing details before the big picture) I immediately think of all the 100s of tasks we had to and still have to do. And it is 100s! Things like: scheduling, tax forms, staff meetings, curriculum, cleaning (LOTS of cleaning), learning computer software, setting up bank accounts and autodrafts, ordering toilet paper and soap, getting uniforms, registering with USAG, getting safety certified, cleaning out old accounts, updating roles, registering new kids, hiring and training new employees, drafting and implementing new policies, getting 3 different types of insurance, creating a budget, paying bills, creating a new website, stocking the snacks and drinks…. And of course each of these tasks (and that’s not all of them) involve subtasks like phone calls and errands and spreadsheets… anyway, you get the point…. Wait! where was ‘coaching some of the best athletes in one of the greatest sports’ in that list?? Well there’s that too. And THAT makes all the other stressful stuff worth it! So I have to fight the temptation daily to not get bogged down in the details. I have to admit I fail at that most days, but as soon as I start coaching that night, the stress begins to dissolve. By the end of every workout, though I am totally exhausted, I am full of joy and happiness. I come home in a good mood every night.

So how does the parable of the talents relate to all this? Well if we were in that parable, we would be the one who got 270 talents!!(270 athletes and employees) He trusts us to be Jesus to these people!? Here’s the temptation with so many talents… it’s so many, you can be content to just revel in your blessing: We could run our very reasonable size gym and make a good living and do right by those coaches and kids… but the parable teaches us that that’s not why the entrusting happened. So we’re busting butt, and in 5 weeks, we’re now at almost 400 talents. Of course with that comes more scheduling, more hiring, more training, more accounts to keep up with…. More Work. But for some reason God chose us to be the ones to take on this role of receiver of 270 talents. We have to honor that. Can we turn it into 540? Yes. But not because we’re so awesome at running a business, ha! Please! Neither of us has a business degree! So how do we do that? Well Mark sent out a mass text to all the employees this morning explaining how. Here’s what it said:

“1 Thes 4:1 ‘Walk in knowledge of God that you may (excel) more abundantly.’ Abundant Growth will continue for our families, our business, and our lives as long as we heed the words of Paul here. 3 Kingdom values that come directly to my mind are…Unity of Spirit (John 17), Unconditional forgiveness and love (1 Corinthians 13), and constant communication with God (Luke 11:2-4) Excellence is not achieved through our own ability but by walking in the truth God has revealed to us. So walk in excellence today!”

A business whose owner sends out texts like that, believes that… and a staff that agrees…. That’s how 270 talents get turned into 540!

Inspiration from a Mentor

Those of you who are my friends and family (which I'm pretty sure thats all who reads my blog) know that Mark and I recently became the owners/managers of a gymnastics facility. It is the same gym (though a different name) that was started by one of the most influencial people in my life, the late Don Kirton. One of the coolest things about now owning this gym is getting to restore the legacy and vision that was his. I cannot in a single blog explain the way this man has influenced me and continues to influence me even now. He is the reason I run marathons. He is the reason I coach. So many of my character traits came through him.

One of the things we want to do in our gym is have a place that honors those who came before us. We have been collecting old photos, newspaper articles, etc. from the gym's history. Last night we recieved a true gem! Chrissy, the woman that took over the gym after Don passed away in 1997 had to clean out his office (his messy, disorganized, chaotic office). When she did, she came accross some notecards where he had written quotes. And she has kept them all these years. Last night Mark and I had the unbelievable privilage of reading them, these yellowed cards with his messy handwriting: his favorite quotes. He didn't site any of these quotes. Some I know came from books he read and treasured, some he may have come up with on his own. Anyway I'm sharing a sample of them here. When you read them you will understand somewhat of the legacy we are trying to restore. It's not about the gymnastics; gymnastics is just a great vehicle to teach life. He got that. I hope we do too; I hope we honor him in the way we run this gym.

These are some of the sayings Don treasured:

"Learning is finding out what you allready know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it. Teaching is reminding others that they know just as well as you."

"Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. Being true to anyone else or anything else is not only impossible, but the mark of a fake messiah."

"But if the people understood what silence reveals to them, they would have been as close to God as the flowers of the valleys."

"He learned to listen, to listen with a still heart, with a waiting, open soul, without passion, without desire, without judgement, without opinions."

"Nothing was, Noting will be, everything has reality and presence."

"Kids realize its really a drag to plan for tomorrow their whole life, realizing in really hard terms that tomorrow never comes. You always wake up and it's today. There is no yesterday, tomorrow never seems to come, so what's left is today. Or nothing. There's no reason for anybody not knowing what's real, if they'd only open their head."

"Is it not better to see yourself clearly, then to care about how others see you."

"A great deal of joy of life consists in doing perfectly or at least to the best of one's ability, everything which he/she attempted to do. There is a pride in surveying such work--a work which is rounded, full, exact, complete, in all its parts--which the superficial man, who leaves his work in a slovenly, slipslop, half-finished condition can never know. It is this conscientious completeness which turns work into art. The smallest thing well done, becomes artistic."

"Love descends upon our souls by the will of God and not by the demand or the plea of the individual."

"With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy."

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste; and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surender, be on good terms with all persons."

"The only thing that's real is inside you."

"I enjoy talking with very old men. I consider that they have gone before us along a road which we must all travel in a turn, and it is good that we should ask them of the nature of that road, whether it is rough and difficult, or easy and smooth."

"The probability is that the direction given by education will determine the course of all that follows."

"The just man does not allow the different principles within him to do other work than their own, nor the distinct classes in his soul to interfere with one another; but in the truest sense he sets his house in order, gaining the mastery over himself; and becoming on good terms with himself through discipline, he joins in harmony these different elements. Like 3 terms in a musical scale-lowest and highest and intermediate, and any others that may lie between those-and binding together all these elements, he molds the many within him into one, temperate and harmonious. In this spirit he lives; throughout he considers and calls just and beautiful all conduct which pursue and helps to create this attitude of mind. The knowledge which superintends these actions is for him wisdom."

Thank you, Don. Even now, 18 years after my last gymnastics practice, 15 years after your passing, I am still being coached by you.

God knows running shoes

About 3 months ago Mark and I were riding in the car after church discussing hearing God’s voice. We were talking about asking God the tough questions and expecting Him to actually answer us. Mark talks to God about all kinds of things; and he listens; and God answers. Now I struggle with this concept. I don’t think to ask or I question what I’m hearing from the Spirit: (I can’t get away from thinking: is that just in my head?) So as this conversation got somewhat frustrating for me, Mark said ‘you know you can ask Him anything, ask something.’ And I, wanting to be stubborn, silly, and sarcastic, did not feel like coming up with a big theological question so I said the first thing that popped into my head: ‘ok then why does my back hurt?’ (I had been experiencing some mild yet annoying back pain). I laughed when I asked it, what a silly stupid question to ask the King of the Universe right? (As a runner, I rarely take any pain seriously and I wasn’t really taking this pain seriously) But Mark took that as a perfectly acceptable question to ask God. He tuned his spiritual ears into listening and then he began to laugh. Now don’t think us cooky here, people… he said he heard God say “your back hurts because you run with good posture but you don’t hold good posture everywhere else so those back muscles are weak. You can either correct your posture or get different shoes and the shoes you need are Reeboks and they are pink” Now if you’re wondering why I didn’t immediately question Mark’s sanity, it’s because as soon as I heard the answer it rang true in my spirit and it made perfect sense logically too. And it’s not something Mark would have thought up. I suddenly remembered how my mom always used to get on to me for my slouching. I remembered seeing myself teach on camera one time and noticing my bad posture. But this is something Mark has never noticed or cared about so he wouldn’t have gone to that explanation. And then there’s my whole Adidas loyalty. Ever since 8th grade, I’ve been obsessed with the Adidas brand. I’m not really sure why but I always wanted to wear nothing but Adidas. So I knew I had not done what most marathoners do, which is research and try all kinds of shoes to find what works best for their unique needs. Stupid, I know, considering how many miles I run. But anyway back to the story….so after a bit of wining (‘but I only wear adidas, Mark!’) Mark said ‘well you can either correct years of bad posture or you can just get the shoes that will correct it for you.’ A few days later I found myself on the Reebok website looking for pink running shoes. I found some. But being the stubborn person that I am I wasn’t doing anything yet, I wasn’t ready to give up my identity as an Adidas loyalist. (funny how we identify ourselves by such trivial things as shoe brands) but a few weeks later after a 12 miler in which my back was really bothering me, I found myself walking into the Dicks Sporting Goods to buy a pair of pink Reeboks. The next day I decided to do an easy 1 miler just to break them in (surely they would give me blisters or other problems since I was used to only 1 brand). My easy 1 miler, which felt very easy, actually ended up being my fastest mile of the year: a full minute faster than a normal mile at a decent effort for me. I was shocked at my watch when I got done. Oh and there was no back pain. God didn’t tell me the shoes would make me faster, that was just a bonus! I have since hit a half marathon, 5K and 6 mile P.R. in my new shoes. I have bought the same style in 2 other colors. It has gotten to the point that I wear 1 of my 3 pairs almost everyday because they are so comfortable.

Now this is by no means an endorsement for Reebok nor is it a knock on Adidas. I don’t think these shoes are for everyone, I just think God knows everything, even the intricacies of every running shoe on the market and the intricicacies of my specific body’s needs. I think God can not only answer our big and deep questions but He loves to answer our simple and even silly questions too. Moreover, He’ll answer in that perfect unique-to-you kind of way that He does that lets you know how much He really cares. And now when people ask me why I wear the specific type of shoes I do, rather then give a typical runner’s answer about shoe features foot shapes, and running styles, I simply say: ‘because these are the shoes God told me to get.’

What's in a Name?

Like most people I have several names that I answer to: Julie, Mrs. Crider, Ms Julie, JuJu, Coach, Babe, Little’n… I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how those different names and titles elicit different tones of responses. Physiologically, in your brain neurons associate with other related neurons. So a name you are called will activate all the neurons that you associate to that name like memories of past experiences or even how you view when that title should be used. And those activated neurons actually dictate the position you come from when you respond.

I’m back in school now and so I’m back to being Mrs. Crider for most of my day. When I hear ‘Mrs. Crider,’ I’m immediately put into a tone of authority: in my head, my body language, my voice’s inflection, everything. My response will come from a place that says ‘I know what’s going on’ or ‘I know the answer.’

When I hear ‘Coach’ or ‘Ms Julie,’ which is what my runners and church kids call me, I go into a kind-of mixture of authority and intimacy. Because though I still have authority with those kids, I have a relationship with them too. I know them more deeply and they know me, they’ve seen me at weak points and I’ve shared more of my heart with them. My response carries authority, but it’s going to be within the parameters of a relationship and everything that comes with that.

When I hear ‘Babe,’ ‘JuJu,’ or ‘Little’n,’ it’s straight intimacy. Mark calling me ‘Babe’ lights up more than a usual amount of neurons in my brain: all the memories of every loving moment, every flirtation, even arguments… is now active as I respond. When my sister or niece calls me ‘JuJu’, it likewise fires up certain neurons. I’m coming from a place that says we have history because that’s what she called me as a toddler and now she has passed that on to her own toddler. Sometimes in your life, you make friends with people and it’s like an immediate connection. Recently I have made one of these new friends and one day, out of nowhere, she called my JuJu. And this is when I knew for sure that she was a soul-sister-kind-a friend. Growing up and even into adulthood, sometimes my mom would call me ‘Little’n.’ But she didn’t call my sister that. And it wasn’t because I was smaller than my twin, we were twins. It was because I was the youngest, the baby, even if only by 7 minutes. A lot of twins have identity issues but I always felt like I had a special place when Mom called me that. It revealed her intimacy with me; she had a relationship with me that was separate from her relationship with my twin. When any of these intimate names are directed at me, my immediate tone of response is all love. My response will be out of the relationship we have, not some other motive. The Bible says in heaven we will be given a new name. I cannot even imagine what it will feel like when God calls me by his own special name for me.

So all that being said…wouldn’t it be the same with us addressing God? If we simply call him ‘God,’ we are asking for a response that is all authority. When we call him ‘Creator’ or ‘Redeemer,’ we speak to not only him being our authority but also we recognize that he is involved in our lives. But Jesus tells us to call him ‘Abba’ (‘Daddy’). All the names have their place… but there’s just nothing like the intimate ones… to get ‘Abba’ to respond out of the relationship. I have found that in my prayer life the type of response I get usually matches the way I approached Him. Sometimes you need ‘God’ to intervene for you and bring authoritative justice. But when I call on ‘Abba,’ I get a relational response, an outpouring of love and peace. And those are the best kind of responses.