God Runs DNA: November 2011

Postseason depression: it happens every year; the CC season ends and the thing that has taken most of my energy, time, and attention is no longer there. The thing that has given me the most joy and fulfillment is no longer feeding me. It’s always an adjustment. But this year has been the hardest. That’s partly why this post has been put off. I wasn’t ready to reflect yet; I wasn’t ready to let go yet. But it’s been 2 and half weeks, time to reflect and put it out there, time for closure.

State Meet, The Epic Ending, AKA Snotfest 2011. Those of you who know me best know I’m not a crier. But I cried more times in those 2 days than I have in the last 2-3 years combined. And you would think that this would not happen coaching a bunch of boys. But in fact it was my most stoic, most reserved, athlete that got the snotfest started when he expressed his feelings in a letter which he gave to us before we ever left town. So we cried in the parking lot at the Buffalo Wild Wings. We cried all through our team meeting that night. There were tears at the starting line and of course tears at the finish, tears on the way home and a whole lot more when we got back to the school. Then even more tears when 2 of my seniors showed up at my house that night. Why all this emotion? The kids expressed it best at the team meeting: we had become family. We had worked together, laughed together, accomplished together. This group of boys and I had been there for each other through not just hard workouts but life struggles. Like any family we had had disagreements and issues but worked through them. We had met so many goals: meets won, a region championship, fast PRs. And it was all culminating in this trip to state. And it was all about to be over. It was a great weekend though despite the crying, we had a good showing at state and we had a ton of fun.

God Loves You More Than You Think. Our pastor scrapped his original sermon Sunday morning after State, feeling the need to preach on thanksgiving. Our Communion meditation was on gratitude. They were for me. There were more tears at church that morning as I became so overwhelmed with gratitude that God blessed me with this amazing group of kids to coach. God said: ‘remember when you didn’t want to move to Crockett? Even then I knew what I was preparing for you, I handpicked this perfect group for you to pour into. I was going to trust you with these awesome kids, even then I knew what was coming your way.’ Can you say humbled! And just to clarify, it’s not the fact that these kids are so athletically talented that makes them so special. It’s their spirits, their personalities, their work ethic, their humor, their love. Their speed is just a bonus. So I’m sitting in church just getting wrecked by the Holy Spirit. I make it to the car as we head to our other church and I get a second dose. God said: ‘remember when you prayed for a more intimate encounter, here you go, now you have just a little bit better inkling of how much I love you, I handpicked these gifts for you and I know you so well I knew they were the perfect gifts for you.’ God’s love is overwhelming! He is so good! I couldn’t take it. There is no other way to put it than I was just wrecked! And I know I’ve only gotten a small dose more than what I already knew. I know that He has other gifts in store for me, more love to show. I just pray He increases my capacity to receive it so I can handle it because his love is so overwhelmingly good, it just breaks you.

Lessons Learned. I can’t reflect on a season without acknowledging how I’ve grown as a coach. So here are a few of the major lessons this season has taught me:

1. Boundaries. I’m terrible at them, terrible at setting them, terrible at keeping them. One of the biggest lessons this season taught me is how important it is to maintain that separation between athlete and coach. This is especially hard for me because of several circumstances. For one, I don’t separate my coaching from other aspects of my life like mentoring, teaching, ministering, and just hanging out with teenagers trying to always find opportunities to speak life into them. Also, some of these kids know me as ‘Julie from church’ before they know me as ‘Coach Crider.’ And so much involvement in their lives leads to comfort and complacency. So by mid season, several of the athletes were so comfortable, they were cussing in front of me or speaking inappropriately. I had quite the time trying to rein that in. I refuse to step back from my other roles in their lives but there has got to be a better way to balance it out. I will work on that next year.

2. Be careful with the kid who’s just like your husband. So I have a runner who is, I kid you not, the 16 year old version of Mark. Now for one, that makes it really easy for me to like, love, and forgive this kid. But an interesting thing started happening that I only became aware of late in the season. I was harder on him; I had expectations on him that I would have had on Mark. But more than that, and this is what upset me the most; I took stuff out on him. If I was frustrated with Mark, my tone towards this kid changed at practice. If I was feeling insecure because of something Mark and I had talked about, I was more assertive with this kid at practice. It was subtle and most kids would have never noticed, but this kid, like Mark, has supernatural discernment so he was picking up on it. And when(with the help of Mark), I realized this was happening, I actually had to apologize to him for things I said and my overreactions. Do you know how hard it is for an adult to apologize to a teenager? Luckily, like Mark, the kid has a ton of grace. Next year I’ll be aware and I pray I will do better.

3. Even the most guarded kid can break. So the kid that wrote the letter that got snotfest 2011 started… the most private, guarded, stoic kid I’ve ever coached. 3 years ago I started asking him probing questions. He never opened up, never shared himself, always acted like things were cool. I even asked him one time why he thought he was like that. I got a shoulder shrug in response. But I wasn’t letting up. I just kept being there, just kept loving, just kept encouraging. I think he finally started to trust me around last spring. He started to talk to me more about real things. And when he let himself open up at state, well the floodgates opened. The emotion, the thoughts, the appreciation, the willingness to be vulnerable, it was all out there. This kid is amazing. The 4 years I invested in him: so worth it!

4. Beware your number 1’s effect on you. It’s so easy to judge your coaching by how well your number 1 does. But actually, it should be how well your number 7 does. My number 1 had a great season. But if I’m really honest with myself I have to admit it had far less to do with my coaching and more to do with his God-given talent. It’s just so easy to place personal value in how the best kid is doing. But oh the side effects of that are dangerous. I let this kid get away with so much more than I let others get away with. I got more frustrated when he didn’t work hard. I got more hurt when he was disrespectful. I took things personally. When I should have been stepping back I sometimes tried to micromanage too much. It ultimately put me and him on an emotional rollercoaster. I will do better next year.

Ok so there it is: Closure. And already the depression is subsiding. Time to move on and focus my attention in other areas where God has placed me. There will be another season. And based on my coaching history and God’s continual outpouring into it(one of the purposes He designed me for), it will be an even better season than this years!

God Runs DNA

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Postseason Reflection

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

A Whole Lot of Hardware