The Reality of The Relationship

God uses 2 main areas of my life to reveal Himself to me. One is running. The other area is my marriage.

In a few weeks, on January 1st, Mark and I will celebrate our 14 year anniversary as a couple: 6 and a half years of courtship, 7 and a half years of marriage. Somewhere over the course of that time, something amazing happened. We found ourselves in a relationship that demonstrated to us and taught us what Christ’s relationship to the church really is. Christ’s love for the Church, his bride, and the Bride’s devotion to Him weren’t these words I read in the Bible or concepts I got taught in church anymore, suddenly it made sense, not in an abstract way, but in a real way, because we were living it.

One day I was sitting on the couch talking to Mark and it hit me in that ‘ton of bricks’ kind of way: I all of a sudden just realized that there was nothing he could or would ever do that would make me love him any less. And I realized I had already forgiven him for any future thing he would ever do. It’s not even a struggle, he’s forgiven before it ever happens. He can totally tick me off in one moment and in the next moment it’s like it never happened. And I realized that it was the same for me… that even on my worst day, my most selfish moments, there was nothing I ever could or would do that would cause him to love me any less. I felt totally free in this earthly relationship, all sense of striving and trying was now nonexistent! And in that moment I understood God’s grace in a way I never had before. I understood what no condemnation and freedom in Christ meant in a real way.

Several weeks ago Mark and I were listening to a sermon on the radio while driving home and the Preacher was talking about how marriage was ‘hard work.’ We often laugh in disagreement when we hear that kind of talk. Yeah its hard work if you’re doing it the worldly way where the philosophies are: everything should be 50-50, give and take, compromise is king. But the example of Christ is to be completely poured out. It’s not 50-50, its 100-100. It’s I’ll give you my all and expect nothing in return. When your focus is not on getting what you need or want, but completely on giving of yourself to the other person, you don’t get upset or disappointed. And when that other person is treating you likewise, conflict just disappears. Now Mark and I aren’t perfect at this 100-100 philosophy, we still have our selfish moments, but that’s when that abounding grace and forgiveness comes in.

What amazing freedom and grace we get to experience because of what Jesus did, how life changing to know that it’s a reality, in real life, in real time, not some abstract idea. He poured himself out completely for us, expecting nothing in return. And it’s because of our experience of that, that we can now let ourselves be poured out for others.